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Overweight, badly dressed and with fragile mental health, operatic singer Jonathan Antoine was vulnerable when he stepped on to the stage at Britain’s Got Talent last year. As he faced the judgment of Simon Cowell – and millions of viewers – there were fears he would endure the same fate as Susan Boyle, who suffered a breakdown after the pressures of the show.
But instead, the 20st teenager overcame his demons and began to blossom. His depression lifted and he now credits the show with rescuing him from suicide.
Road to recovery: Since finding fame, Jonathan Antoine, pictured with singing partner Charlotte, has lost 4st in weight and battled back from depression
Since he and singing partner Charlotte Jaconelli came second in the talent contest, his mental and physical health have been transformed. ‘Britain’s Got Talent pretty much saved my life,’ says Jonathan, 18. ‘Before then I was suicidal and so depressed that I was self-harming.
‘I’d dropped out of sixth form and my parents wouldn’t leave me alone at home as they thought I’d try to take my own life. I felt so low it is almost impossible to describe. It was like I had nothing to live for – it was the darkest period of my life.
‘But everything changed from the moment I went on the show. I was elated. Suddenly everything seemed different. When you’re depressed, it’s impossible to see a way out, but I now had a purpose.’
Jonathan’s problems began when he started being bullied at school. ‘I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember and I stood out because of my size,’ he recalls.
‘Kids can be really horrible and they would pick on me about my weight. It really damaged my confidence, and while I tried not to let it show, I think that led to my depression. Being bullied just sucks the life out of you.’
Life-changing moment: Jonathan and Charlotte as they auditioned for Britain's Got Talent - where they eventually ended up in second place in the finals
By the time Jonathan was 14, his low self-esteem had escalated into depression. ‘I shut myself off from the world and lived in my own head,’ he says. ‘I’ve always felt different from everyone else and I felt cut off and excluded. I didn’t tell anyone how I felt – I just kept pushing it down inside me.’
But suppressing his distress only deepened the condition. In 2010, Jonathan began self-harming. ‘I’d cut the skin on my arms and stomach as I hated myself and was angry at myself for even existing. It was also a way of making the emotional pain a physical pain, which seemed somehow easier to deal with.’ Things grew even worse in 2011 when he moved to a new private school to study for A-levels and was suddenly thrown into a new social mix, with a heavier workload and longer days.
By November that year, the stress became so much that Jonathan suffered a nervous breakdown.
‘Everything just overwhelmed me,’ he says. ‘I felt more out of place than ever and was under pressure to be something different.
‘People there kept telling me to cut off my hair and change how I looked. I think that’s what pushed me to that darkest point where I couldn’t cope with anything any longer.
‘There were times I was so low I tried to end it. I never ended up in hospital but had deep cuts and my self-harming intensified. I was cutting myself almost every night as a form of release, almost to remind myself that I really existed.’
He dropped out of school and confessed his problems to his parents. ‘It was only then, after all those years, that I ended up spilling out all my thoughts and feelings – the first time I had openly come out as depressed,’ admits Jonathan.
‘My parents were amazing. They helped me through it and once they knew I was suicidal, they never left me home alone.’
They also took him to Loxford Hall psychiatric unit in Ilford, Essex, where he began seeing a psychiatrist, who also prescribed the antidepressant Prozac.
‘I saw a few different psychiatrists, then found one I clicked with. At first I was in such a state I couldn’t even form sentences as the emotions were so strong, but after a while I felt able to speak about everything. He got me immediately and we just talked.’
Dynamic duo: Music has put Jonathan on a healthier path and he is due to release his second album with Charlotte later this month
As Jonathan was battling through the bleakest period of his life, his best friend Charlotte, 18, asked him to audition with her for Britain’s Got Talent.
The pair had been inseparable at West Hatch High School in Chigwell, Essex, since being put together to sing in music class aged 14. Charlotte had applied for the TV talent show before they left secondary school and had only just heard back from the producers. Yet rather than Jonathan’s depression proving a barrier to appearing on TV, it had the opposite effect. ‘By then I had given up caring about anything, so I had no reason to turn it down,’ he says. ‘My parents thought I shouldn’t do it as I was in such a bad place but I was so low I had nothing to lose.’
It proved to be a life-changing decision. ‘From the first moment we stepped out in front of Simon and the crowds, it didn’t feel real. We were both numb with nerves, but when we started singing and the crowd started cheering it was like this warmth filled up inside me.’
Their song – a cover of Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli’s duet The Prayer – wowed the judges and the duo stormed through the heats to reach the BGT final, where they were runners-up to performing dog act Ashleigh and Pudsey.
Jonathan and Charlotte soon recorded their first album, Together, for Simon Cowell’s label Syco, and it reached No 5 in the British charts. Their second, Perhaps Love, for Sony Music will be released on October 14.
But in the middle of all that, rather than shrinking under the pressure of fame and public exposure, Jonathan found himself.
‘When I got on the show, the more information that I let out about me, the real me, gradually it actually helped me cope with my own depression. For the first time I had to face it head-on and couldn’t just hide away in my room as I had when I dropped out of school.
‘I felt overwhelmed and initially it was terrifying. Being in front of the camera, especially as I’ve always been self-conscious, was horrifying. But you do get used to it and oddly enough, it turned into a sort of therapy for me.
‘I haven’t had any serious episodes of depression since I’ve been on the show. When I get the thoughts that once brought me to such a horrible place, I just tell myself that they don’t matter.
‘I stopped therapy eight months ago as my psychiatrist and I discussed it and decided it was time to stop, though he’s still there for support if I need him. I’m still on Prozac but will come off it eventually.’
Jonathan has also dropped from 20st to 16st. ‘I signed up with WeightWatchers last year, but I didn’t take it seriously until this April – now I’ve lost 4st.
‘I never felt pressure to lose weight from people in the music industry but I wanted to do it for myself. I feel much better within myself and will keep going.
‘I don’t have an ideal size in mind – I just want to be healthy.’
He adds: ‘I look back now at my depression and ask myself what I was doing – there’s no need to hurt yourself or feel so sad.
‘Things really can get better. My story is proof of that.
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